it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
