he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just cropdusted the office
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
