i think my tv is drunk
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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