Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
