Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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