is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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