I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
