Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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