my vag is so smooth its legendary
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
