he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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