So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He felt like a one man threesome
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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