Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
