i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
