Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
