Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
