Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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