chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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