Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
pray to the hookup gods
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
