Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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