so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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