I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
