She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
