you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
