You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
