I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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