It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
