woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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