Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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