That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
