I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
