Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
