we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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