I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
