So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
