god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh god it's open bar.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
