I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
