They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
