Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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