omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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