She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
