Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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