Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
