I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize