using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
