tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
