i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
