I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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