you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
