Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
