I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
