the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize