Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
