Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
