you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
