So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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