So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
