Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
