A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize
