She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
