You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
