I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
