Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
