I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
