I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
