Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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