i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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