Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
