he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
