WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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