If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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