I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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