Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
