After last night, I could never be a politician.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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