dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize