Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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