We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
