He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
