Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
