i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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