Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
