Got a toothbrush?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
