my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize