She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
