Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Houston, we have a squirter
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
