areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
