You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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