I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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