you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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