I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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