I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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