i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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