onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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