I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize