Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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