there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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