I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
